1. I'll assign my soldiers to weapon proficiency training based on their horoscope signs. After all, it's important to know if Mercury is in retrograde before sending a rookie to snipe a Sectoid.
2. I'll design uniforms exclusively in bright neon colors. Aliens will be too busy shielding their eyes from the dazzling sight to shoot back.
3. I'll make the Skyranger pilot fly in circles around the alien base for 20 minutes before landing, just to make sure the aliens are extra dizzy and disoriented.
4. I'll replace our standard-issue frag grenades with confetti poppers. Nothing says "surprise" like a colorful explosion of paper.
5. I'll institute a mandatory team-building exercise where soldiers must communicate using only emojis. 👽🔫💥🛸
6. I'll install a state-of-the-art karaoke machine in the barracks, because nothing prepares soldiers for battle quite like an impromptu performance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
7. I'll make soldiers take turns dressing up as a Berserker and roaming the base. The constant adrenaline rush will keep everyone on their toes.
8. I'll incorporate interpretive dance into the tactical training regimen. When the aliens come, we'll confuse them with a perfectly synchronized performance.
9. I'll replace the standard-issue medkits with homeopathic remedies. Nothing cures plasma wounds quite like a nice dose of diluted essential oils.
10. I'll commission a reality TV show called "XCOM's Got Talent," where soldiers compete for a coveted spot on the squad based on their ability to juggle, yodel, and cook gourmet meals under pressure.
11. I'll make sure every mission begins with a detailed pre-battle pep talk, reciting famous speeches from movies such as "Braveheart" and "Independence Day."
12. I'll install disco balls and strobe lights in the Avenger's command center. If we're going to save the world, we might as well do it in style.
13. I'll make sure each soldier has a personalized theme song that plays whenever they enter a room or make a kill. Aliens will know who's coming for them when they hear the catchy tunes.
14. I'll require soldiers to engage in psychological warfare by delivering pun-filled one-liners after each successful hit on the aliens. "Take that, you Muton-ated freak!"
15. Finally, I'll make sure every mission is recorded and live-streamed for the world to see. When the aliens are defeated, we'll have the perfect compilation of XCOM's greatest moments – complete with laugh tracks and dramatic zooms.